Im cool again....

Last night after work I went over to "D's" house and we smoked it up. It was very cool. I had a very good time. She kept telling me I was nuts and i just kept laughing.

I didn't have fun driving to pick up my husband from work though. I kept having to check the speedometer to make sure I wasn't driving too slow. But I made it. He didn't get done until almost 3. I got like an hour of sleep before having to go pick up the kids from their dads before he had to go to work.

Losing sleep makes everybody cranky. I don't recommend not getting enough sleep. Not good.

hanging in there...

I am hanging in there but I still hope/wish things were better. Couldn't things always be better?. Doing the same thing day in and out just gets old after awhile. And when you think about it everything boils down to money. You always need more, you never have enough. Life is crazy sometimes but I'm still here, hanging in there. I am going to journey through this life one day at a time.

One journey I do need to take is a northern road to find my baby sister, Julie. I haven't spoke to her I know about 3 years. The last I heard from her, she sent me an email about the arrival of her 3rd child, a boy. The phone number I had for her was disconnected. No forwarding one given. So one of these weekends when I can save the gas money I AM going to find her. I miss her like crazy. I just wonder what is going on with her that she wouldn't want any contact with her sisters. We didn't grow up together because we were given up for adoption when young. (i am now living and caring for our biological father) When we finally grew up and started having families of our own we made a promise to always keep in touch, no matter what. It was something that had to be done so we wouldn't lose touch with each other again. Well, about 3 years ago she got remarried and moved up north of Dayton, Ohio, and ever since then it seems like she has changed considerably. I will let you know if I find her and its her new husband no wanting her to have contact with us I will proceed to kick ass literally. I'm sorry but he shouldn't do that to her. Its just wrong. I love my sister dearly and nothing will get in my way having contact with her. I am going to start emailing her everyday and see if that illicits a response from him. He probably blocked me from sending her any or he just intercepts them before she can see them. And its wrong. Just plain wrong. Julie, if you are out there somewhere please, contact me.


The weather here has finally warmed up and today was a beautiful day. I was lucky and didn't have to go into work until 8pm. So I was able to enjoy the day with kids and still work this evening. My husband was able to find a job on Monday. He started this afternoon. I will have to pick him up after I pick up the kids tonight after midnight.

I need my fix!

I had to sneak into my children's easter candy because I needed a chocolate fix. Does this make me a bad mother or just a chocoholic??? I will have to say that I also gave each of kids a piece of it too, i just didn't tell them that it was really theirs. LOL My diabetic father noticed I had the candy and promptly told me..."thats not fair." I plan on getting him some sugar free candy. I do know that they make sugar free turtles. I had one at work one night and it was really good. You couldn't even tell that it was sugar free. The chocolate, carmel and the pecans. YUM YUM YUMMY!!!!!


Oh yeah, for those of you who are sitting on the edge of their seats feeling concerned and sorry for me...I haven't had my 420 fix in 8 weeks and it sucks big time.

thank you for listening and have a good night....

spring is here but its hiding

well spring is here and its supposed to rain all week.

Last week had lunch again with a good friend. It was nice to see him again.

I have my kids for their spring break. I'm only working 4 hours a night this week. Its nice to have a job that will work with you on things like that. My last job didn't like giving me days off to have my kids. They were assholes to put it mildly. Anyways, its gonna be real nice having them for a whole week. Too bad the weather is going to be pretty much crappy all week. Rain, Rain go away, come again another day.


I finally had a talk with my husband about his not working. We've had a chat similiar to this one before. I told him that this was pretty much his last chance. I can't do it anymore by myself and that if he wanted to be treated like a man he needed to start acting like one because I'm tired of being the man. I also told him that it seemed to me that he would work for a little while and then stop because he knew that I would work no matter what to bring money in. We've been married for almost 4 years together for 5 and we have nothing, I mean nothing to show for it. Were supposed to be a team, 50/50 not 95/5 cause thats what it felt like. I would like to be able to get myself a few things but I can't because what little amount of money I bring in we need for other things. Is it really too much to ask to be able to get myself much needed undergarments?? I mean seriously, for real! I told him that I did love him and wanted to be with but if he couldn't get a job and keep it and prove to me that he will support this marriage as much as I do, then I couldn't do it anymore and I wouldn't.

I just don't know.....

I just don't know what has happened with me lately. I have seem to lost my words. I haven't been posting as much here recently, ok, within the last month or so. My stream of thought seems to have slowed to a slight trickle. Hopefully, one of these days I will be able to find it. To start the creative juices flowing again.

Now a word from our sponsor....

The winds whisper through the day and scream into the night,
echoes of time pulse through our veins,
there is no advantage when we have no sight.

Feel the sound and hear the breeze,
stand on the edge and see the trees,
do what you want, do as you please.

Days pass slowly as we move on
our senses become inflamed,
sitting on the ledge I can feel the dawn.

just because

i think i have writers block. I would kick it out of the way but i would hurt my toe.

Well, February is over. Another month gone by and there is not much to show for it. Today was payday which is cool. I'll have some money for about a week and then it will be gone. Bills, Bills, Bills. ITs a part of life, a neverending cycle. Makes me want to watch that movie A Neverending Story. Pretty good movie. All make-believe and fantasy. If you haven't seen it go rent it or go to the Library. A very good watch. Which in turn makes me want to make a list of my favorite movies. I have a few. The movies that you can watch over and over again and never tire of. I like scifi-ish movies, fantasy, action, drama, comedies, you name it I probably like it. I was talking with a girl at work tonight and I honestly couldn't remember the last time I watched a really good comedy that made me laugh out loud, almost pee my pants kind of funny. You just continually laugh so hard throughout the movie that your belly hurts when its over. If you know of any that would do this for me let me know. I up for ideas. I Love movies.

On another note. I should be up for a raise at the end of march. Lets go march!!