27 Dec 2003 - frazzled, wazzled, bamboolzed, skip to my Lou La

well, well, once again, Im here, pooring my soul out for everyone to read, examine, pass judgement on. How can I in good conscience continue with rampages, adventorous times, my life's journey, down on paper for everyone to read? Knowling, and yet willingfully, lets this continue? Because I just do. Opening up, and writing while your heart is pouring out, letting the words flow over you like wine, and down your fingertips to the keys....every word uttered inside, but had no escape upon your breath, and would be made known and available for the world to read, and learn from, or escape on their own.
Ok Ok , enough of the deep stuff...I think I shall laugh myself silly....
the Last couple of weeks have been good for me. I went back to work 5 days and week. Also, picking up shifts and working longer than I have to. I've been enjoying going to work again, seeing my friends, and getting to know some new ones, and also I'm sure losing some. We all do from time to time, you can be friends for a year, 6 weeks, all your lives, and then one day you start drifting apart. It can't be helped, human nature I suppose. We all mature as we grow older, lives change, people change, everything changes, you can't stop it, you can't control it, so live with it dammit!!!!
Whoa!! Me thinks its getting slightly deep in here, well, folks put on your boots, cause its about to get deeper!!! LOLLMAO
Have you ever, sat down and thought about all the many thoughts you've ever had in your lifetime? Surely, one can think of the ones they can remember, right off hand. but just imagine for a moment, all the thoughts scattered amongst the winds of time that you can't remember???
Huh? Have you thought???? think for a moment.....(insert pause here)
Song Playing..."in the end" by Linkin Park
At work, we had a hellacious bar rush...it was SWEET!!! And all the drunks were cool tonight.

16 Dec 2003 - Llullaby Kiss Goodnight sweet dream s world

I must write what I feel deep down indside of my deep rooted, emotion feeling, ever expanding, quiet determination heart.....

I am a person of deep thougbt. I am a person of feeling deep down to the core of my very being. I am a person of complex thought. I have the things I need. but guilt from having it. I am wore down and tired, no exhausted from the fight. where's my saviour! My prince?! My Everlasting Gobstopper?!

Someday your prince will come. to sweep you off your feet, to take you away in love filled arms, to that far off enchanting place, of flowing love and harmony. Where he would just course through your veins, harsh and smooth...

Momma, teach me to love.
Momma, show me love.
Momma, be my hero.
Momma, ease my pain.
Sorrow Like Rain, Like rain sorrow.

Love I was not taught, Love i was not shown.
No hero have I. Pain does not cease.
Rain Like Sorrow, Sorrow Rain Like.

She was standing by door...waiting, just waiting, until she saw him again. Stand as long as it took. She had to see his face. just once more...once more..Please, Just once more, before I go.

27 Nov 2003 - Holla For the Turkeys!!!!

Well it was the night before thanksgiving, no wait we must go back further, its the morning before thanksgiving and Katie has an epiphany...Yeah folks she doesn't get these often, but when she does its mostly crazy! So anyways its pre morn thanksgiving eve and Katie sitting at her house, thinks about trying to work this very night./..'she could work, and make some money to get the cable bill paid so she can stay attached to this here internet dooey thingy.

song playing-----beloved wife by Natalie Merchant

So she gets to work, and instead of taking tables, she clocks in on 2nd rate, and does scut work,,,,but it was cool...I was kind of my own boss tonight.....Actually I was the next in charge tonight...awesome....on and on we go.......INstead of closing down the store at 2, we closed at 12 and it took 9 people to super duper clean that restaurant......4 hours folks, yeah four hours!!!! So I worked 10 hours tonight....im glad its over but i get to work 10 hours friday night though....

IM a too tired and too stoned to continue this here narrative.....

Good night all Happy Thanksgiving...and Run Turkey Run~!!!!!

25 Nov 2003 - got a buzz, buzz, buzz.......

I"m sitting here drinking coffee, eating a butterfingers dessert thingy, and deciding to leave a entry in this here blank......mysterious, ain't it?! and OH yeah, Im a little stoned right here...Man I am HIgh HIgh HIgh!!! this shit should be legal...all the money from taxes! Damn~~ This government, well--rather so-called government..they are all idiots to the core! They are so un fucking un believeable!! I could kick the so swift in the rear..knock something around upstairs...Hello McFly, Hello are you in there?! I will have to finish this later...Im toooo HIgh!!!

16 Nov 2003 - and now a word from our sponsor!!!

I CAN"T BELIEVE THIS!!! I just got done writing a whole bunch of stuff here and I moved the mouse, and completely lost the entire thing!!!! now Im really pissed.....
I actually wrote a lot of stuff too but can i remember everything....well, hell no...my mind doesn't work like that!!!
Im not sure Im really liking computers right now!!!
Ok Im going to try this again....
Im listening to Pink Floyd on my Yahoo Launchcast plus station....starmouse1972 if your interested in listening in...
Work went good tonight except for the fact that we were really busy and I didn't make crap in tips...I was in a small section...because another waitress decided she wanted to work tonight...which is cool, but when it comes to messing with my money making opportunities...lets just say, Katie wasn't happy about it....but thats part of life I guess....tonight is a another day, another dollar....
And now for the rest of the story....A good friend of mine that I met from yahoo, that i have even met with, might be coming down this way for a mini vacation...I hope he does...he is a great guy, and funny as hell, and it doesn't hurt that he is cute as hell, and sexy to boot...;) Yeah for Me if he is able to get down here!!!
Im only working 3 nights a week for awhile...friday, saturdays, and sundays...which is cool with me...i needed the extra time off...I was pushing myself to the limit...trying to go to school during the day and working all night...some people can do it but not me...just WAY too much at once. So i quit school...have to work, got bills to pay....Maybe someday i will be able to go back and just have to concentrate on school and not worry about work too. I do want to further my knowledge but sometimes I think worldy knowledge can get you further than book smarts...Im not saying that I am stupid or anything...I did well in high school, even graduated....and that is something...I have 3 sisters, 2 older, 1 younger and I was the first of them to graduate from high school so what does that tell you???
ON a side note....I really wish i could get more sleep but I think im having one of my bouts of insomnia...I even went to bed early tonight but I could only sleep for 3 hours. Whats up with that?! I did go to the doctors about that and he gave me some medication for it but when I take it I only sleep about 5 hours with taking it..so i say what the fuck why take it all...so here I am writing in this here online diary...which I think is good. Sometimes it helps by getting stuff out this way...you can say whatever you want and not worry about if your hurting someones feelings or anything...Just say what comes to mind....
Music now playing...Clocks by Coldplay.....just so you know

16 Nov 2003 - and now a word from our sponsor!!!

I CAN"T BELIEVE THIS!!! I just got done writing a whole bunch of stuff here and I moved the mouse, and completely lost the entire thing!!!! now Im really pissed.....
I actually wrote a lot of stuff too but can i remember everything....well, hell no...my mind doesn't work like that!!!

Im not sure Im really liking computers right now!!!
Ok Im going to try this again....
Im listening to Pink Floyd on my Yahoo Launchcast plus station....starmouse1972 if your interested in listening in...


Work went good tonight except for the fact that we were really busy and I didn't make crap in tips...I was in a small section...because another waitress decided she wanted to work tonight...which is cool, but when it comes to messing with my money making opportunities...lets just say, Katie wasn't happy about it....but thats part of life I guess....tonight is a another day, another dollar....

And now for the rest of the story....A good friend of mine that I met from yahoo, that i have even met with, might be coming down this way for a mini vacation...I hope he does...he is a great guy, and funny as hell, and it doesn't hurt that he is cute as hell, and sexy to boot...;) Yeah for Me if he is able to get down here!!!

Im only working 3 nights a week for awhile...friday, saturdays, and sundays...which is cool with me...i needed the extra time off...I was pushing myself to the limit...trying to go to school during the day and working all night...some people can do it but not me...just WAY too much at once. So i quit school...have to work, got bills to pay....Maybe someday i will be able to go back and just have to concentrate on school and not worry about work too. I do want to further my knowledge but sometimes I think worldy knowledge can get you further than book smarts...Im not saying that I am stupid or anything...I did well in high school, even graduated....and that is something...I have 3 sisters, 2 older, 1 younger and I was the first of them to graduate from high school so what does that tell you???

ON a side note....I really wish i could get more sleep but I think im having one of my bouts of insomnia...I even went to bed early tonight but I could only sleep for 3 hours. Whats up with that?! I did go to the doctors about that and he gave me some medication for it but when I take it I only sleep about 5 hours with taking it..so i say what the fuck why take it all...so here I am writing in this here online diary...which I think is good. Sometimes it helps by getting stuff out this way...you can say whatever you want and not worry about if your hurting someones feelings or anything...Just say what comes to mind....

Music now playing...Clocks by Coldplay.....just so you know

15 Nov 2003 - So sorry for the long delay

Ok Ok....Im updating. There has been alot that has happened between now and the last entry. Oh where do i begin. Well, how about right now...LOL
I've cut back on my working so much. right now Im just working the weekends...friday, saturday, and sunday, and only until midnight. I say, let the younger ones do the late, late night shifts. I worked last night, it felt great! I even enjoyed being there...which is kind of a shock since I hadn't really enjoyed my job for awhile. so it was a relief. But I did also like the fact that I only worked 7 hours minus my half hour break---and i made $57. How cool is that?!
A good friend of ours Justin stayed here for like a week. and let me tell you what I learned from this experience. Don't have roomates unless they have their own room, computer, and car. The last couple of days he was getting on my nerves to say the least. I luv ya Justin but Man, you need your own space!! LOL
You know I can't think of anymore to say so Im not going to say it.....

5 Oct 2003 - Oh My God My Feet Hurt!!!!!

Another busy busy, I can't stress this enough..BUSY!!! night at work. I worked 10 hours and 9 minutes, actual working...On my feet constantly. I don't even know how much money I made tonight....I haven't counted it yet. I'm a waitress at a 24 hour restaurant...so im talking about my tip money...to those who doesn't know that waitress make a MAJORITY of their money from Tips. As much as I am on my feet, if i stopped eating for awhile I could lose a shit load of weight. I am not saying that I am big because I am not. Just could stand to lose a few pounds. I know I would feel better if I did. but so couldn't we all! LOL I should really go to bed now but I am not really all that sleepy, I mean I am tired and all. I wanted to chill on the computer for awhile. Kind of give my brain and body a rest before even trying to attempt to go to sleep.
While I am sitting here chillin', Im listening to the Godsmack Fan Station on Launchcast by Yahoo. ITs pretty awesome. The last couple of weekends have been interesting to say the least. I didn't go to school for those either except one day. I am going to start going back on Monday...cause I need to at least finish this sememster. I haven't really decided if I am going back after that. I really don't have the time for it. I work a lot so I am tired all the time, and its hard doing school all day and then working all night. I really didn't find the time to do the homework and shit that I needed to too. Some people can do it and Mad Props out to them too but its not for me. If i could cut back on my work hours then Yeah Maybe, but since I can't afford to do that,,,then no, school has to go. Im am not as young as I used to be and my body just can't handle it.
My Best Friend Phyllis, has been over a lot too. She is fucking awesome. We have so fun. We usually end up getting wasted and then laughing our asses off. The other day we did this, and we got on our Earthcam Tv Channel, and had people watching us do some crazy shit. We went to this website, that where you enter some names of some stuff and gives you your different kinds of names..i.e. Old School Hip Hop Name, Porn Star Name, Actor's Name, Wu-Name and etc. Well we did this and I became CoolMasterRock, and she became MC Big Love....so we started making up rap songs because we were High as Kites as this point. We both ended up making new yahoo profiles with these names. Oo Gosh we had a riot of a time!!!!!! Wish you all could have seen!!!!
Katie

21 Sep 2003 - Another Day Another dollar

Yo Holler to the people....whats up??!!! I've been feeling lots better the last couple of days. Been spending time with 2 of my best friends and it has been awesome, hilarious, inspiring, uneducational(LOL) time! A few times I almost laughed hard enough to pee my pants..Thanks to Phyllis and Justin...you two are absolutely awesome!!!
Work has started to get slower. NOw, pretty much, we are just busy on the weekends. I guess with the weather getting cooler people aren't getting out as much. That is good in a way. I can concentrate on school and not work so much. I get one day off a week where i have no school or work at all. Just one day! How long can a person go on that??!!! Someone tell me so I can prepare it. Ha Ha! Like we can really prepare for something. Have you ever really thought about it. You can find out something that is going to happen in the near future and you try like hell to get adjusted to the change that will come and subconsiously get ready for it but all in all it just ain't gonna happen. You don't really know for sure how you will react to something until you experience it first hand. Chew on that for awhile and let me know what you think...LOL
Oh YEah I almost forgot something.......I've been spending more time with Phyllis....we have such fun together. She has come over the last couple of nights and just chilled together. Oh and Justin and Rob were here too!! We usually end up listening to music, or downloading funny shit, south park stuff. Cartman Is fucking hilarious!!! We Laugh our Asses off for Hours and Hours!! Almost to the point of peeing ourselves silly. Our House has pretty much become the hang out spot after work. One night, we had 8 people here just having a good ol time! We are the Party House!! Maybe we should start charging a couple of bucks at the door. You know, an admission charge, but then it probably wouldn't be as much fun?! Who knows Im just kidding......

11 Sep 2003 - Another moment in time

time has been passing by pretty quickly. i've been going to school 3 days a week working 5 days a week. Its a pretty hectic schedule but it has to be done. I have a couple of papers due next week for my English and Theatre classes. also, have my first math exam tomorrow. Its pre algebra...I didn't even take it in high school, so I got a lot of learning to do. I was doing ok in it until we started working on integers. Positive and negative numbers are a pain in my ass!!! But I am s-l-o-w-l-y getting it down.

My two best friends came over on Monday night and we partied some. It was great. I hadn't seem them in over 2 weeks. We did a little of this and that...and just had a great time. Like we always do.

recently, my emotions have been getting to me. I went to Ohio and got my 3 kids for the weekend. I so look forward to these times, I just wish i could them a lot more....but with having to pay child support...I can't afford it. It takes like a hundred dollars just in gas to go get them come back home and repeat the process on sunday. I only get one full day with them and its just not enough. When we took them home on Sunday...we drove back on the Ohio River Scenic Byway. It was lots of fun. We got to ride a ferry across the Ohio River--which I had NO idea that they still did that kind of stuff. We even stopped at this park....Cave-in-Rock State Park in Illinois.....there's a cave that sits right on the bank of the river. IT was pretty awesome. I really enjoyed the time with my kids. I want to move back to Ohio to be closer to them but right now its just not financially feasible. And of course, the courts just don't understand that and they don't care at all. To Hell with the court system!!! If I could afford a lawyer, I am sure it would be different but I can't. Life sucks! but you have to move on and keep on living just to spite it. I've been through worse in my life and I can get through this. My love for my kids keep me going and they will until the end.

30 Aug 2003 - Work again!

I got off work this morning at 4 am....I really should be going to bed since I have to work another 10 hours tonight...wheewww!! Im tired. Also, I was a good girl...I went to school this morning. English and Pre-Algebra.....not bad, not hard. We don't have school (of course) Labor Day...but I do get the great opportunity of working 10 hours on that day.

28 Aug 2003 - My first day of college!!!!!

WEll, yesterday (wednesday) was my first day of college. It was really cool. I was back at school after 13 years. I am taking English,Math(required) and Biology and Theatre. I really enjoyed my theatre professor. He was very enthusiastic, dramatic, and had such a flare. I know I am going to enjoy it ALOT!!!! I have an hour in between each class.....that can get kind of boring, but I will have plenty of time to get homework done since I am also working 40 hours a week too!!! My husband made me promise to cut back on work if I find myself getting exhausted. Cause he knows that I am stubborn, and probably won't, even if I know I should. He takes such good care of me. I can't believe it sometimes.

I went to work right after school....well, it was dead. I work in a restaurant and we weren't busy at all.. Which was kind of nice but I didn't make much money. But thats ok...I was tired from school and being outside most of the day...I had fun at work though.....Especially when Drew works....he is funny but Man can he get annoying....He reminds me of my little brother...We had fun together but he didn't let me forgot that he was my little brother and that they are supposed to annoy the hell out of their older sisters!!!!

Just a relaxing day.

I went to work sunday night and ended up working until 4am. I was supposed to be at school at 8 on monday but i didn't make it. I was tired from being at work so late. A good friend of mine, Nathan, stopped by today. What a surprise that was!!! It was so good to see him. He is an absolute sweetheart. We always have such a good time together.
On a more deeper note....I have been doing a lot of thinking and I am tired of it...LOL Sometimes I wish I could not think so much. I start thinking about things and that starts me worrying about things. Its mind blowing!! I have been writing alot more poetry here recently. Just composing whatever comes to my mind at the time.

OH Yeah....where I live...we have a 3.1 magnitude earthquake!!!! I was sitting in the living room watching tv...and out of nowhere comes this shake. IT felt like a train had went by...we live right in front of train tracks, which there are alot of trains on. My husband is LIke "wtf" and walks outside to see if someone was messing with the house. I walked to the door and was listening to see if a train had went by. Well, a little while later I was flipping channels on the TV, like I always do, and happened to stop on the local news channel, and sure enough they are talking about the earthquake. IT was centered just 8 miles from us. How weird!! I think its like the 3rd or 4th one to occur since we moved here last April.

I'm going to bed now...

23 Aug 2003 - exciting day....so far!

Well, my husband and I went and met couple from a site that we belong too. They were really nice and funny. We went and had lunch with them. It was a good time. We are doing to definitely meet them again and see where things go. (we never did--updated nov 12, 04)

tonight is my first day back to work after about 2 weeks of being off. I work until 4 am but I am excited. to get back in the swing of things, see my friends again and make some good old fashioned money...YEAH!!!

Forward Ho!!!!!!

Well, I went and talked with my Managers from Old job and I got my job back....hooray for me!!! *dancing like its going out of style* I had to sit through an hour lecture but it was well worth it! I feel like I am on cloud nine.

I went to school and got some stuff finalized. Talk with 2 of my teachers and I already got one homework assignment and I haven't even been to my first class yet. yeesh! whats up with that?! :) But I am loving the challenge of combining work and school. I know I can do it. The first week will probably be rough but such is life and Onward I go!

21 Aug 2003 - change is good

well, yesterday I went and signed up for college. I am thinking of going into business management.I will be going 3 days a week. I applied for financial aid seeing how I am not in the means to pay for it myself, and they offer it. so why not?! I am supposed to go to my first class tomorrow. I am really nervous about it. I don't know why. Its just school.

I really miss my old job. I miss the people and going to work and making money. My sister is picking me up in a little while and I am going to stop by(my old job) and pick up my last paycheck and talk with them, possibly, of getting my job back. I am keeping my fingers crossed. I am even willing to take the demotion(I got promoted 2 weeks ago this past monday) if they will hire me back. If not, I will look for another one.

Now I have to get used to going to bed at a decent hour. Haven't been getting a lot of sleep this week. Used to staying up late. I was working 2nd shift(which started at 5pm). My first class at school starts at 8am...eckkkkk!!! Its going to take a while to get used to the new hours.

18 Aug 2003 - lots happening!!

Its been awhile since I've wrote....

Well, first things first I guess... I kind of got fired from my job that I held for over a year and this is like a week after I got promoted to a trainer (I was a server at a restaurant chain) I loved that job. But they didn't like the fact that I had to take 4 weeks off this summer so i could have my kids. they live with their dad, for now anyways. :( So the day after we (my husband and I) get back from the long drive ( 12-16 hrs) I call work to remind them that someone has to pick me up in time for this Managers meeting. Well, the manager that I am speaking to informs me that I was marked off the schedule. They did this because I supposedly didn't show up for 3 days of work and nobody knew where I was. Which was a lie because I told the Gen. Manager that I couldn't work those days because of my kids. He said he would take care of it. Well obviously he didn't. Well, after talking with my husband and sister, I decided not to go back. It was getting to stressful anyways. I worked the night shift and it was getting tiresome Of having to put up with their(work) constent bickering to me about needing weekends off and such.

So now I have already been hired somewhere else. Just 4 days a week...its 9 hours days but HEY! I get 3 days off a week. How cool is that?!

I went to a bookstore and got 2 books. One is called "The Ultimate Book of Shadows for a New Generation" by Silver Raven Wolf and "The Ultimate Encylopedia of Mythology". I am trying to learn new things on Pagans, Wiccan, and Mythology. I wanted to become more spiritual and insync with the world. I feel like I have been inspired to change my world and travel a different path than the one I have been on and I feel different. My husband commented to me today that he got the sense that I have become more relaxed about things. And its true.....I do...I feel at peace with myself. So far I have learned that I will not be afraid of change for through change....no telling what will happen. It starts with you and one small step.

May the spirit of life enter you and reinvigorate your soul.

5 Aug 2003 - awakened

I have started learning some new things the last few days. I have even started writing again... I just write what I feel...I let the words flow from me like lava...I never know if it ends up making sense Or not. does life even make sense??? I think you have to know how to interpret all things around and you open your self up....and sometimes, sometimes, small parts will start to come together and the big picture (for you) gets easier to see. The follow is something that I wrote after talking to....(I would tell you but I dont know if he would want me to)....but in the small amount of time that we did speak(online) I felt some sort of connection with him....spiritually that is....

good night dear sir and may you sleep well and awaken with a new vision and spread your soul around for others to dwell.

I feel I have much I can learn from him, he seems wise for his young years...

31 Jul 2003 - the beginning

Here I am writing in a diary. Had a diary years ago when I was young. I loved writing in it. Everytime i go back and read what I wrote when I was younger, I realize that I am the same now as I was then. I haven't really changed all that much since then. I am sure I have changed some since then but not really. I am still stubborn somewhat anyways...:) I am trying to learn new things....and the internet is a great place for that. I am usually online alot except for when I am working, of course. More to come later