a quick update

Ok it has been almost 12 hours since I stopped smoking....well trying to stop smoking. I am not doing too bad.....just when I sit at the computer. While sitting here is when I would smoke the most. So sitting here is going to be my hang up but I know I can make it. I just keep reminding myself of the all the long term benefits.

to pass the time

I wrote the following while waiting for my husband to get off work one night.

Its about twelve thirty am
and I'm starting to feel a buzz,
Not a fly, nor a bee
can ever make me feel this free.

Im elevated far above the horizon
floating atop the clouds
No words or a even a sigh
Will not ruin my high.

Being inside the invisible shield
it protects me from harm
so here inside will i stay
and this crazy world, I will away.

but only for a little while,
forever i will not stay
buzz for awhile I shall.

some rathering interesting surfing

On this very night I was surfing the net and somehow came up on the website of "high times". Well, i decided to click on their links icon and told myself to click on anything. I did and ended up riding at rhinotransport. I clicked on their links section and wound up in PorcupineTree. Very interesting music. Especially while partaking of the 420 ritual. I even downloaded some of the very music and its good, I like it. Its calming and invigorating all at once. This is a great feeling. I then went to Tantric glanced around there for a minute or two, ok it was like 15 minutes but whose counting. Meanwhile awhile later, I realize that I also clicked on a few others. It was very cool surfing, if I do say so myself.

an ordinary day...

Nothing really exciting has been happening. Just normal everyday things. This, that and/or the other. No one can really tell.


Later that night chilling out after work......

Watching Celebrity Poker on Bravo. It was fun to watch. Then I celebrated the holiday...420...Happy freaking New Years!! :)

A story of my dad

My dad, the biological one that I live with, is very particular about is yard. He absolutely hates anyone that as so much gets a millimeter of rubber in his yard. Its a yard. It happens occasionally. Our driveway is off of a small private lane. There are also a total of 3 houses that live behind us down this lane. So there is lets say, a frequency of traffic up and down all day long. Well, he yells at people to slow down. Then he proceeds to say "I got your tag number, lady!" This man who is 64, doesnt know how to read and he can barely write his name. How he is going to remember their tag number and be able to write it down. Well anyways, the whole point of the pre-story was to ready you for the story. Tonight my hubby and I, had to run to UDF to get cigs. When turning around in the lane I was turning the wheel to turn around and completely without malice or will intent, I drove the car through my fathers yard. This brought to utter and complete whimsical laughter. My eyes actually flooded and overflowed their lids.

some funny rabbits

it was a good weekend

I had a very good weekend. It was warm. The sun was bright and I was able to celebrate 420. Good all the way around. Now its back to work for another week of fun. At least I hope it is. It feels like its going to be a long night too. Maybe not, David is working tonight and he is a riot! We shall see, shouldn't we?.

Have a great monday and don't forget to look out for the little green men that cross your path...lol


Well, work went great tonight. We were really busy but to be honest, i couldn't tell... Had to be because David was working. I was doing "speaker" and he was "coordination". So we were able to be funny with each other to make the night go by faster and easier. I had to make a boatload (alot) of "fruit bowls". Those things are such a pain in the ass to make, its not even funny. It was a good night all around otherwise.

and another thing it is

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more fun tests...

Seeks to share a bond of understanding intimacy in an esthetic atmosphere of peace and tenderness.

This is from the "color test"







Your wacky sense of humor rocks! It appears that you can laugh at just about anything, including yourself -which is way cool! And hey, if you can't laugh at yourself, who can you laugh at right? Just kidding. Of course you know you have to make sure you're not offending anyone right?! In any case, most people probably get a kick out of your wit and most likely love hanging out with you. We think you're pretty funny too!

This is from "Queendom".

just things

There has not been much happening in my neck of the woods. The other night at work something interesting did happen. I was handing out some food to a car, no not the car, the person in the car and this person, who had to be no more than 18 was sitting there, while driving, smoking a roach. I was like WTF?! Of course, under my breath I called him a "f*cker". LOL I couldn't help myself.
Last night at work we were pretty busy and the night flew by. Well, tonight, not all that busy and the night just seemed to drag and drag. Which I figured it would've anyways since Thursdays are my Fridays. When I get off work on thursday night thats when my weekend starts. Its nice. I like it much.
My husband and I was finally able to come up with the money (thanks to my dad) to get insurance on the car. Now I am not scared to drive anymore. I was always afraid of getting pulled over because it seems that cops have nothing better to do than to pull people over for no reason. Its happened to my hubby twice already. Well, when he got pulled over, which they didn't have a reason, just did...we didn't have insurance so now he is not able to drive. So I have been the chaffeur here recently. I think I have driven more in the last 3 weeks or so than I have since we've been together. And its been 4 years. Anyways, so now I always drive the speed limit no matter what. So all you tailgaters out there be warned. If you get behind me and the speed limits 25 mph....guess what? I will be going 25 mph.
p.s. Everyone keep your fingers crossed, i might be able to get hooked up with some green tomorrow. :-)

Maybe good times around the corner.....

I am now back to a full week of working again.....I only worked 4 hour days last week because of having for my kids for spring break. It turned out to be a slow business day. For some reason the last 2 hours seem to just drag. Nothing exciting happened tonight just the same old stuff. I didn't have to pick husband up from work after I got off so it was an early night for me so to speak. I did take a notebook with me to do some writing while waiting for him to get done. I was looking forward to it but it was also nice to be able to come straight home from work also. I did have to stop and pick up cigarettes which i got 2 packs for $3.07. They are usually $4.90 for 2 but I guess a computer glitch helped me save some money. Woohoo! I can't really think of anything else to say except maybe we are supposed to be getting hooked up with some smoke on thursday so hopefully "D" will come through. It will be nice to have it for the weekend since we don't have the kids and be able to relax and chill through a whole weekend with my crazy father. lol He is not really crazy just crazy. Your normal everyday crazy. Like me! LOL

everyday happenings....

My daughter, Brooklynne, turned 13 on the 2nd. It was really nice to be able to have her for her birthday.

This past week was hectic to say the least. Taking Rob to work, dropping the kids off with their dad, come home, turn around take myself to work, pick up the kids, then go and wait for Rob to get done at work, come home and try and get some sleep. There was a few days I only got a couple of hours. I decided to get someone to work for me this past friday so I can spend some time with the kids.

My heart melted this morning when Elijah, my youngest at 10 said he didn't want to go home. Ever since coming back from living in Kentucky things have been much better for all of us. I am closer to my children and can see them on a regular basis and be able to be involved with them and school stuff too. I am rubbing off on them because Brooklynne has started saying "for real" alot. I realized I say this too often. We can thank my sister Lori, in kentucky for that little saying. LOL Hopefully, at the end of this month we will be able to get back down there for a visit.

I am planning on after I drop the kids off with their dad today I am going to run up to Springboro to see my adoptive Dad, I miss him. He is such a great Dad. He has always been there for me no matter what. He has not always agreed with the decisions I have made in my life but judged me he has not. He never will. I love him very much.

Music playing....Love and Affection, Def Leppard

Im cool again....

Last night after work I went over to "D's" house and we smoked it up. It was very cool. I had a very good time. She kept telling me I was nuts and i just kept laughing.

I didn't have fun driving to pick up my husband from work though. I kept having to check the speedometer to make sure I wasn't driving too slow. But I made it. He didn't get done until almost 3. I got like an hour of sleep before having to go pick up the kids from their dads before he had to go to work.

Losing sleep makes everybody cranky. I don't recommend not getting enough sleep. Not good.

hanging in there...

I am hanging in there but I still hope/wish things were better. Couldn't things always be better?. Doing the same thing day in and out just gets old after awhile. And when you think about it everything boils down to money. You always need more, you never have enough. Life is crazy sometimes but I'm still here, hanging in there. I am going to journey through this life one day at a time.

One journey I do need to take is a northern road to find my baby sister, Julie. I haven't spoke to her I know about 3 years. The last I heard from her, she sent me an email about the arrival of her 3rd child, a boy. The phone number I had for her was disconnected. No forwarding one given. So one of these weekends when I can save the gas money I AM going to find her. I miss her like crazy. I just wonder what is going on with her that she wouldn't want any contact with her sisters. We didn't grow up together because we were given up for adoption when young. (i am now living and caring for our biological father) When we finally grew up and started having families of our own we made a promise to always keep in touch, no matter what. It was something that had to be done so we wouldn't lose touch with each other again. Well, about 3 years ago she got remarried and moved up north of Dayton, Ohio, and ever since then it seems like she has changed considerably. I will let you know if I find her and its her new husband no wanting her to have contact with us I will proceed to kick ass literally. I'm sorry but he shouldn't do that to her. Its just wrong. I love my sister dearly and nothing will get in my way having contact with her. I am going to start emailing her everyday and see if that illicits a response from him. He probably blocked me from sending her any or he just intercepts them before she can see them. And its wrong. Just plain wrong. Julie, if you are out there somewhere please, contact me.


The weather here has finally warmed up and today was a beautiful day. I was lucky and didn't have to go into work until 8pm. So I was able to enjoy the day with kids and still work this evening. My husband was able to find a job on Monday. He started this afternoon. I will have to pick him up after I pick up the kids tonight after midnight.

I need my fix!

I had to sneak into my children's easter candy because I needed a chocolate fix. Does this make me a bad mother or just a chocoholic??? I will have to say that I also gave each of kids a piece of it too, i just didn't tell them that it was really theirs. LOL My diabetic father noticed I had the candy and promptly told me..."thats not fair." I plan on getting him some sugar free candy. I do know that they make sugar free turtles. I had one at work one night and it was really good. You couldn't even tell that it was sugar free. The chocolate, carmel and the pecans. YUM YUM YUMMY!!!!!


Oh yeah, for those of you who are sitting on the edge of their seats feeling concerned and sorry for me...I haven't had my 420 fix in 8 weeks and it sucks big time.

thank you for listening and have a good night....

spring is here but its hiding

well spring is here and its supposed to rain all week.

Last week had lunch again with a good friend. It was nice to see him again.

I have my kids for their spring break. I'm only working 4 hours a night this week. Its nice to have a job that will work with you on things like that. My last job didn't like giving me days off to have my kids. They were assholes to put it mildly. Anyways, its gonna be real nice having them for a whole week. Too bad the weather is going to be pretty much crappy all week. Rain, Rain go away, come again another day.


I finally had a talk with my husband about his not working. We've had a chat similiar to this one before. I told him that this was pretty much his last chance. I can't do it anymore by myself and that if he wanted to be treated like a man he needed to start acting like one because I'm tired of being the man. I also told him that it seemed to me that he would work for a little while and then stop because he knew that I would work no matter what to bring money in. We've been married for almost 4 years together for 5 and we have nothing, I mean nothing to show for it. Were supposed to be a team, 50/50 not 95/5 cause thats what it felt like. I would like to be able to get myself a few things but I can't because what little amount of money I bring in we need for other things. Is it really too much to ask to be able to get myself much needed undergarments?? I mean seriously, for real! I told him that I did love him and wanted to be with but if he couldn't get a job and keep it and prove to me that he will support this marriage as much as I do, then I couldn't do it anymore and I wouldn't.

I just don't know.....

I just don't know what has happened with me lately. I have seem to lost my words. I haven't been posting as much here recently, ok, within the last month or so. My stream of thought seems to have slowed to a slight trickle. Hopefully, one of these days I will be able to find it. To start the creative juices flowing again.

Now a word from our sponsor....

The winds whisper through the day and scream into the night,
echoes of time pulse through our veins,
there is no advantage when we have no sight.

Feel the sound and hear the breeze,
stand on the edge and see the trees,
do what you want, do as you please.

Days pass slowly as we move on
our senses become inflamed,
sitting on the ledge I can feel the dawn.

just because

i think i have writers block. I would kick it out of the way but i would hurt my toe.

Well, February is over. Another month gone by and there is not much to show for it. Today was payday which is cool. I'll have some money for about a week and then it will be gone. Bills, Bills, Bills. ITs a part of life, a neverending cycle. Makes me want to watch that movie A Neverending Story. Pretty good movie. All make-believe and fantasy. If you haven't seen it go rent it or go to the Library. A very good watch. Which in turn makes me want to make a list of my favorite movies. I have a few. The movies that you can watch over and over again and never tire of. I like scifi-ish movies, fantasy, action, drama, comedies, you name it I probably like it. I was talking with a girl at work tonight and I honestly couldn't remember the last time I watched a really good comedy that made me laugh out loud, almost pee my pants kind of funny. You just continually laugh so hard throughout the movie that your belly hurts when its over. If you know of any that would do this for me let me know. I up for ideas. I Love movies.

On another note. I should be up for a raise at the end of march. Lets go march!!